I woke up at 3:30 because it was really cold in the house. It was 20 degrees outside, 64 inside. I live in the northwest where it’s snowed on quite a few occasions. Since there was nothing I could do about it at that point, I tried to go back to bed. Didn’t work since the cold doesn’t agree with fibromyalgia. 

6:30 comes around and there’s still no heat. Husband looks at it, and there’s absolutely nothing he can do. Two hours later and a call to the landlord, we have to get ready to leave. 

We have an SUV, and after getting the dog and my middle daughter packed into the back, I close the tailgate and smash it right into my forehead and down my nose. No split skin, no bruising; thank God. However, I think I have a small concussion.

No more than ten minutes after arriving at my in-laws [it’s a 30 minute drive], the landlord calls, says that a technician will be at the house in 45 minutes [about 9:45]. I haul it home and wait. And wait. And wait some more. 

11:30 rolls around and, finally, so does the technician. Fifteen minutes later, he says that he’s fixed it, for now. However, he’s not sure how long the heat will stay on. Of course, the part he needs to order isn’t open today; I get that. And it might be open tomorrow. If it is, it can be fixed tomorrow. If not… we’ll see. 

During this time, I messaged my ex to see if he could take the kids one night early, because the last thing I want is for them to be in the house that could get extremely cold if they don’t have to be. 

Yeah, that didn’t work out. His words were hurtful and mean, and with my crippling anxiety on top of the already shit-tastic morning, I break down and start bawling. At my in-laws. In front of everyone. 

Ugh. I’ve always disliked the holidays because of my upbringing. I was abused mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually by my grandmother. Nothing I did was good enough, it was always my fault. Anyway, the holidays were a huge event and everyone was allowed to have a good time. Except me and my mom. So, this time of year is especially hard for me, and today was the icing on the cake. 

I cannot wait for 2019.