give me the romcom we deserve starring chris evans and chris hemsworth ya cowards
hear me out: evans is a mechanic and hemsworth owns a flower shop across the street and they have a love/hate thing going on and they try to make each other jealous by getting with the same person meanwhile this person is just trying to matchmake these two hopeless idiots on the downlow
can you imagine hemsworth just saying his peonies smell fucking incredible and he gives one to evans after he begrudgingly fixes his motorcycle off the clock.
hemsworth’s australian accent has no effect on evans whatsoever. clearly. he never melts. he is calm, cool, and collected the entire time they’re spending together.
and if evans has to stick his head inside the mini fridge in his office after each time they talk, that’s no one’s business but his own.
john krasinski works for evans and keeps throwing out popular rom com tropes they’re following and evans scoffs at every one and michael pena works for hems and keeps a tally of how many times they give each other heart eyes when the other isn’t looking. he has a board with a huge 😍 emoji that he keeps that he made with his kids because they’re just as invested as he is and the fact that this board is placed near “shrinking” violets is not lost on hemsworth and he resents that thank you very much.
for the record if anyone ever needs to passive aggressively tell someone ‘fuck you’ in flowers you need a bouquet of geraniums (stupidity), foxglove (insincerity), meadowsweet (uselessness), yellow carnations (you have disappointed me), and orange lilies (hatred).
hemsworth knows that. evans doesn’t.
meanwhile evans’ office manager hayley atwell is caught in the middle because she’s a friend to both and is constantly, aggressively, banging her head against the wall because “how can these dumb arses not see it?!” and her girlfriend (still workshopping, possibly priyanka chopra/tessa thompson/constance wu/gugu mbatha raw) tries to get her to relax while simultaneously biting her tongue because she said, she said, this was going to backfire on her but she didn’t want to listen
“Evans, my motorcycle is acting up again,” he says and John holds back a laugh. This was the third time this week.
“I literally just fixed it two days ago though,” Evans says.
“Yeah, funny how it keeps breaking down,” John says, wiping his hands, and smirking.
Chris thinks John can shut up. Chris also thinks the way Evans walks around in that tank top should be illegal, but no one else has to know that.
evans goes over to get a bouquet for his mother’s birthday and if michael just so happens to get hemsworth’s white t-shirt wet it was simply an accident that he overshot the row of petunias with the water hose
Chris sets about fixing Hemsworth’s bike, fuming. Maybe you didn’t do a good enough job. Maybe he didn’t do a good enough job?? Chris had never had any complaints against his work and now this guy had a problem for the third fucking time this week. Maybe they just didn’t teach driving in Australia, what the fuck.
Two hours later finds Chris giving a once-over to Hemsworth’s bike, making sure there were no more problems, while Hemsworth waits for him to finish. Just like last time. And the time before that.
“Alright, looks good. I don’t think you should be having any more problems,” he says pointedly. Maybe you didn’t do a good enough job, my ass.
Hemsworth seems to falter for a moment, looking apologetic (probably a trick of the light), before pulling out a bouquet of hydrangeas seemingly out of nowhere and holds it out.
“What’s this?”
“We had some extra ones in the shop.”
“Extra ones.”
“Yeah maybe it’ll brighten up this dump,” Hemsworth says before walking out with this bike.
Chris looks at John who isn’t bothering to hide his laughter. “Did he just call my shop a dump?”
“He also gave you hydrangeas,” Hayley points out.
“They were extra ones.”
Hayley rolls her eyes and leaves the room muttering something about children and dumbasses.
Chris looks at John. “Krasinski. You know what she’s talking about?”
“No clue boss, I don’t get paid for talking about your love life,” he says.
Chris wants to deck him and wipe off that smirk.
evans mutters that everyone around him is an idiot as he makes his way to his office to find a cup to put the flowers in.
his eyes linger towards his computer and he makes the snap decision to google the meaning of hydrangeas
google doesn’t help for shit
after delivering the flowers hemsworth returns to his shop just as michael comes out of the storage room with arms full of ribbon he needs for centerpieces, his children trailing behind him.
“how’d it go, boss?”
“good? i think?”
“what do you mean ‘you think’?”
“he-”
“sit.”
hemsworth sighs and lowers himself onto the stool next to the workbench, scrubbing his hands across his face.
“go on.”
sending michael a look that says dude i’m trying, he continues. “i waited for him to finish my bike just like we planned-”
“don’t forget us!”
hemsworth smiles at michael’s daughters. “of course not girls.”
“get on with it, man! i am dying of suspense here. you’re killing me. oh, i hope you can live with yourself when i go. tell us what the dreamy mechanic said!”
i said it once, once, under my breath, how the fuck. “so i waited until he was finished to give him the hydrangeas and told him maybe that would help brighten up that dump.”
a beat passes. michael and his daughters stare blankly at hemsworth.
and then, three voices ring out simultaneously.
“YOU CALLED HIS PLACE A DUMP?!”
“YOU GAVE HIM HYDRANGEAS?!”
“I was trying to flirt, just like you three said! And what’s wrong with hydrangeas they mean heartfelt honest emotions and gratitude.”
“They also mean you’re not interested in him romantically. What else did you give him besides that?”
“…just the hydrangeas”, he mumbles.
“CHRIS.”
two scenes follow next: a couple of days after the hydrangea disaster hayley and evans have a heart to heart at night and she tells him that she knows he’s scared to put himself out there after how badly his last relationship ended but he deserves to be happy and it would be good for him….and says who knows? maybe someone who walks into the shop will catch his attention and he won’t be feeling so conflicted
MEANWHILE
hemsworth is still internally facepalming and grumbling to michael that maybe this was a bad idea after all and he should just move on to someone else.
ENTER CHRIS PINE.
what evans and hems don’t know is that everyone in their lives is conspiring to get them together
because they’re fucking hopeless and they clearly can’t do this themselves
so they hire aspiring actor chris pine to…stir the flower pot, as it were. if they can’t see they belong together, maybe seeing someone else try to get in will make them want to act on what – who – they truly want
OPERATION WHAT IN CARNATION IS A GO*.
*krasinski named it that, michael was enthusiastically onboard with the name, and hayley knows when she’s fighting a losing battle so she throws her hands up and reluctantly agrees
pine’s objective: to be charming but not too charming. he wants to get them both interested, and he’s confident enough to know if he was his actual self he could snag the two easily.
this isn’t about him though.
he shows up at evans’ shop one day with his “car” in tow, and he’s funny, sweet, very nice but still reserved. evans doesn’t seem like he’s into the too forward types right off the bat so pine plays it cool, but still makes it very clear that he’s interested as he’s leaving.
a few days later, he stops by hemsworth’s, telling him that he wants a longer lasting plant that’ll keep in his office and not need too much maintenance.
when hemsworth tells him “you’re looking for something succulent like then”, pine, biting his lip a little, looks him up and down and says “yeah i am.”
after their unexpected interactions, each chris can’t help but shake the feeling that this new chris isn’t that chris, and they don’t know what to do with that information.
his goal is to make the guys slightly more interested in him so they’d both be seen out in public together and each guy needs to see pine out with the other
now remember pine is also working for their friends. michael, hayley, and john will make passing comments about how cute pine is, but also ask about the other chris. “i thought you two were going somewhere?” questions …which leads to both of them sighing and finally admitting out loud they thought so too.
pine plays into that.
he’s extra flirty when he’s with one and can see the other trying not to pay attention when he’s at one of their shops. it works; both are lowkey fuming and trying not to let it get to them. they’re not exclusive pine can flirt with whoever he wants.
BUT THEN
the group has given him collective data on what the guys like/don’t like in people they’re interested in.
pine mentions he’s not into dogs or disney to evans, and that having children isn’t something he sees in his future.
and michael told him that even though the shop has a presence on social media, he’s in charge of it because hemsworth detests it so much.
“if you’re taking a photo of a moment, are you truly in the moment, mate?”
so pine gets to work on unleashing his inner instagram ho, obsessively checking his phone after every post watching the numbers instead of listening to hemsworth talk excitedly about whatever shipment of a new plant he got in that week.
both end up deep in thought, it was never like this with chris.
over the next two weeks, evans and hemsworth pull the plug on their relationships with pine, citing that it just wasn’t going to go anywhere and not giving anyone more information when asked.
pine did his job, but the group still worries that they went about this the wrong way when neither makes a move and appear more sullen than ever.
because evans and hemsworth were each trying to make the other jealous they haven’t really talked that much. even without the flirty banter, they just miss each other.
but at the start of the third week they each get to their shops early and it’s the first real moment they’ve had together in a long time.
they’re both walking on eggshells because they know things have changed between them but they don’t know where they stand. a little small talk gets made and they move to unlock their doors, with evans turning around at the last moment to cast another look at hemsworth before stepping inside.
and after closing his, hemsworth leans his head back against it and breathes deeply, trying to recalibrate himself before tending his gardenias.
that friday hemsworth and the group have gathered at john’s place to hang out while evans remains at his shop putting in extra hours on a huge commission he’s been given.
hemsworth’s sullen mood that evans isn’t there matches the storm clouds rumbling outside, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by the others and they share concerned glances whenever he’s not looking.
michael caves first – and the others follow – explaining their plan on how they just wanted them to finally get together and be happy, so they enlisted pine to speed things along but that now both guys are more miserable than ever.
“look, you want him right?”
“yeah, john.”
“then tell him. better yet, go to him! right now. run over there like he’s the sally to your harry, and go lay it all out. go man, go!”
hemsworth’s out the door before the first raindrop hits the ground.
hemsworth reaches evans’ shop, soaked to the bone and heart pounding out of his chest.
as he draws nearer to the open garage door, he’s struck with the realization that he doesn’t have a damn clue on what to say.
and i’ve never seen when harry met sally. fuck.
he can jerry maguire this. hopefully.
he calls out. “hello?”
“chris? what -?”
“okay, let me get this out. i hate that things have shifted between us. i miss coming over here and talking with you and being with you, fuck, i miss you. and i didn’t act onbit enough and make it more known that i cared for you and we have wasted so much, so much time, not being together. not being us. and now i just… i don’t know. i wasn’t complete, i wasn’t even close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because i wasn’t with you. i couldn’t hear your voice, or laugh about things with you and being away for all this time…what i do know is that i’m not letting you get rid of whatever we have. i can’t. i won’t.”
hemsworth takes a breath. “i love you, chris. you…complete me.”
evans has unshed tears in his eyes, visibly shaken by what hemsworth has just put on the line.
“you had me at ‘aloe.’”
there’s a long pause, the sound that can be heard is the storm raging outside.
“get it? aloe? ‘cause you own a flower shop?
“shut up.”
still laughing, evans steps toward hemsworth, reaching out to cup his cheek in his hand.
looking up into his eyes, lips drawing closer to hemsworth’s.
“i love you too”, he says before kissing him breathlessly.
Star Barnes' Writing Blog 